Question. How many lesbians do you know involved in a serious long-term relationship? How many girlies are you aware of enjoying single life and dabbling in the pleasures of a good, wholesome night on the pull? No doubt, the vast majority of you will be able to tick both boxes, and of course being single or attached is a perfectly respectable lifestyle choice.

London-based Support Worker, Cleo Leng, 21, claims that dating friends is a total misnomer and rarely works in practice. “ Having friends with ‘extras’ is a concept created for hedonistically-minded people,” she said.  Initially it sounds great, having a friendship that can be moved into a sexual space with a deeper sense of intimacy. Rather than a conventional platonic friendship that may involve a hug or peck on the cheek at a push,” she said.

“However, women do tend to attach emotion to sex and are more likely to feel a bond with someone they’ve slept with,” she explained. “I’ve tried to play this game with a close friend of mine. Unfortunately within just three weeks she was coming on too strong and making out like we were in a relationship. I had to finish it.  It’s Russian roulette to try and have your cake and eat your friend.  You run the risk of losing a valuable friendship should they choose to take the ‘added extras’ somewhere else.  You also run the risk of complicating any future relationships with other people,” she added.

When I ran a general search on FWBs, I came across a number of American teen sites advertising ‘hook up buddies’, listing mates who get physical but don’t get emotional. The interpretation of this newly coined phrase may be up to personal interpretation, but for Information Analyst Nelia van Rooyen, 28, it was an arrangement that held both positive and negative repercussions.

“I met Vanessa through a friend, and only later I found out that she was apparently a FWB to at least 17 other guys,” she said. “She had a boyfriend and I shudder to think what her man would have done if he had found out about us. Vanessa and I used to claim our benefits if we bumped into one another on a night out, which happened about once a week. This lasted for about two months,” Nelia said.

“As you spend more time with someone, it’s inevitable you become more attached, even if it’s just to shag and maybe hold a two-minute conversation. I think it’s impossible to keep emotion completely isolated from the sex,” she added.

“Having a friend with benefits is fine while both your timetables coincide. Vanessa’s boyfriend was abroad and I was on holiday,” she explained.

However, as Nelia discovered, sometimes the ‘perfect set-up’ can go wrong.

“I realised that I no longer wanted to play this game on the evening she got with another one of her FWBs in front of me. She only kissed this guy at the club we were at, but having been there myself; I knew what the drill would be for the next few weeks. I decided to leave the situation, though I still have her jersey but who knows if I’ll ever get the chance to return it!”

She added: “I guess having a fuck buddy is about a “friendship” without any boundaries or commitment. I suppose some people do it purely for the excitement factor! There is something in all of us that wants to want to feel wanted and I think a fuck buddy fulfils that need temporarily,” she added.

FWB Beginners Guide

Punctuality and efficiency remain a top priority- arrive, have a good session and leave promptly.

Be discreet- if they are involved and you want to keep the arrangement, make sure the matter remains between relevant parties only.

Remember that it’s essentially a friendship, therefore no ‘I love you’ and definitely no ‘I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.’